IAM Statistics

JANUARY 2006

<box 100% round orange|January 2006>

PASSENGER TRAFFIC

Arriving Passengers:

Two jack rabbits were observed hopping off a jumbo jet. Coming from the airplane four jack rabbits were spotted hopping into the terminal. The video cameras displayed eight jack rabbits dancing the bunny hop in the transit lounge… Sixteen jack rabbits are hopping into…multiplication…do the math…

Departing Passengers:

May their souls rest in peace.

Transit Passengers:

Go toward the light at the end of the tunnel.

Permanent Passengers (who stay at the airport):

You're doomed to wander.

CARGO- AND OTHER TRAFFIC

loaded freight(in metric tonnes and kilo bytes):

No comment!

<unloaded freight (in metric tonnes and kilo bytes):

I have a right to remain silent.

uploaded freight (in metric tonnes and kilo bytes):

I refuse to answer on the grounds that may intend to incriminate me.

downloaded freight (in metric tonnes and kilo bytes):

I request an attorney.

AIR TRAFFIC MOVEMENTS

landings:

The top of the list for landings? That would be me on a surf board on a flying bounce through the snow all the way down the hill landing on top of the hen house. Yep!…That was a landing alright!…Tops the list…Anyway!… That's what happened after slipping on the ice. You had to have been there… It's one of those.

take off's:

Security was called and he was quickly taken away.

trials:

The O.J. Simpson trial. They're still talking about that one.

failures:

I'm sorry. Could you please explain. I don't believe I know the meaning of the word… Its not in my vocabulary.

tests:

I must inform you. We drug test… So!… If you have anything just bring it in and we'll test it.

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2006/02/20 18:22
Ground crew, thanks for filling in the numbers for January. We just got the forecast Airport Activity calculations from the latest public opinion poll. Looks like in April, when the eteam will visit International Airport Montello, we are going to hit rock bottom.
IAM Weather Station
forecast.jpg

MARCH 9, 2006

ACI (Airports Council International) has forecast that worldwide traffic will double by 2020 and is concerned that regulatory and physical constraints threaten to create severe capacity shortages. “Earmarking funds for airport expansion projects is a pressing need. It is the only way to avoid a serious capacity crunch at congested gateways,” adds Aaronson. “If we are to serve the traveling public and local economies, it is important for all aviation stakeholders to work together to remove obstacles to airport development.”
http://www.airports.org

MAY 4, 2006 IAM MANAGEMENT ANNOUNCEMENT

GIVEN THE PRESENT STATE OF WORLD AFFAIRS, TERRORISM, ETC…, I MUST FOREMOST CONSIDER THE SECURITY OF THIS FACILITY, AND IT’S EMPLOYEES. IT IS BY MY DIRECTION, UNTILL FURTHER NOTICE, THAT IAM WILL NO LONGER PUBLISH STATISTICS DUE TO SECURITY MATTERS.
IAM management


statistics.txt · Last modified: 2016/02/08 17:36 (external edit)